The World Does Not Revolve Around US

          Like usual, I'm gonna start with bitching about how I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life =), but this time I have something extra, I have no idea what the hell everyone else is thinking when deciding what to do with their lives. Majority of humans live their lives searching for happiness, but what really is happiness? A dream car? Owning a big house and spending all your money on high class utilities? An ambition or a dream job? The thing is, most people think that they are looking at their 'future', but none of them cares that the 'future' is only about them. What is the reason to live and enjoy if you're going to die anyway without leaving anything behind, don't you think it is selfish for the sake of all humanity?

          I've always like to believe that humanity is capable for more, but the more I learn the more disappointed I get. We are selfish creatures, and we are very short sighted thanks to our short lifespan. I believe that majority of the humans living on this planet does not give a flying shit about what would happen after their death. Since young I've convinced my self that one of the most successful traits of humanity is our curiosity, we ask a lot and we learn a lot. I've always been convinced that it must be what kept us alive and one day we would find our answer to the question, why do we live? And one day the knowledge would be pass down to the next generation, and this cycle would repeat until we find our answer. But most people doesn't care about questions like these, or if they do, they would just settled with religion, and easier solution for a very complicated problem. But I could understand why, I've been very religious, I understand how religion gives a much simpler solution but as for now I can only say that it's a solution revolve around lies, lies you tell your self everyday when you wake up.

          I do not know why I live, the only thing I know is why people wants me to live, but I have no clue why I would want to. I live solely on expectation from others, I've lost hope of all my ambitions and dreams, and I find the pain of living like this growing as each day passes. To be honest if I'm living only for my self I would have attempted a suicide long ago, but each day I'm held back by what people would feel, what they would go through, and how much more less I could do for them if I died. To be honest I wish all of this are gone, I just want to rest, my brain is living while seeking for death, maybe one day I would sleep and not wake up, or the world will end without a single word, then I can finally stop having these pains.