There we go, another weird ass dream, but this one unlike the last one kinda piss me off, and also kinda reveal how I actually see the world. It started in a drive, I was driving with my brother and another person that I couldn't remember to a shopping mall. On the way there we were reaching the toll, I think we were having some kind of conversation in the car and we starting noticing something strange from the car in front. An old lady was clenching to her husband while looking directly to the back like she was looking for help, since it was my fucking dream I instantly knew that her husband has a heart attack or stroke or something. I immediately asked my brother to stop her car, by instinct I wanted to ask him to stop from the front and slowly break the car behind, again it's my fucking dream, so that was already happening as another car was in front stopping it.
Once we got down I was in full panic mode, you know the days when you saw a beggar beside the road, you always wanted to help but you don't know how to, and you are kinda worried that you'll get attention from other people too (I don't know about others, but that's just how I felt, I just don't like attention unless I'm giving a talk or presentation). That was the same feeling, I had some first aid experience since I joined St. John Ambulance for few year in high school, but I had no idea where to start or what to do.
I started by asking them (I don't know why there are people in the car, but everyone was in a panic mode as much as I am, it's my fucking dream duh) to lay the man down, since it was an MPV there are enough spaces. I wanted to start with the inspection, and go straight to CPR. But then a man appear in the car, commanding and doing as if it's his day job, I would assume he's a doctor (it's my .............. [guess the word]). When he started to notice me doing shits around his patient he asked me a very fucked up question, "Why are you here? why do you bother? Go continue your shopping or whatever". I replied "A lady clenching to her husband from the car in front of you screaming for help, what else would you do?". He replied in a very serious tone "Leave them be? Just continue what you were doing". Then I got pissed and said "Then what the fuck are you doing here? Why else are you doing all this? You're a doctor!". "Money, what else?".
I dragged that bastard out of the car and punched him in the face (I'm not that aggressive in real live, maybe I was, but not really what I'll do now. Usually I stay calm and talk that person into submission). I remembered trying to slam his face against the car floor too. Then I just left the place screaming "Do whatever you want then". He was a doctor, I felt really helpless since he had all the power I wish I had, and in that situation no matter how much I want to help I could never be more useful than he does. I think its just my brain trying to simulate my hatred to how weak I am, by random chance of course. But I did learn something from this, it reminds me back of how human I am, and how much more I need to do if I were to get to where I actually want.
I think I should write more often, kinda get lazy recently, busy with my FYP, everything ended now so I should make some time too for this and maybe some reading.
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