The Snake With A Thousand Layers Of Skins

My mind can't seem to make any firm decisions, day by day things are changing all around while my view of this world transform from one to another. Things that I thought meant a lot no longer triggers any emotion, while new things kept coming in and makes me drift away from the path that I thought was inevitable. It feels like there are new roads emerging all round while I'm just walking blindfolded like a fool. I no longer understand what is important, all I can do now is gather all the old memories and piece by piece complete the puzzle, praying that I will see a complete picture in the end of this 'game'. All I can do now is treasure what was and has always been important, as I do not know when these will be either be lost or fade away in the background turning insignificant. 

I do not know who I am, this has always, always......... been a problem. The realization every time an important memory triggers in my brain turns me insane, there is so much sadness, and hope, hoping that what has been just dreams can one day come true. I no longer feel depress, only sadness, emptiness, the fire of hatred has burnt out, turning into disappointment. Every year, at this moment, the same feeling would emerge. Have I been waiting for someone? Have I been waiting for something to happen? This year........ am I running away from something? Is there something that I must do? It may be a confusion caused by excitement from an old memory, although a moment ago it does not feels like anything important.

My journey, feels like a snake with a thousand layers of skins, every layers are different from one another but also very much similar. Day by day the skin will shed while the snake no longer knows what it looks like until looking at the mirror. Sometimes I wonder if I really am the same person I thought I wanted to be, or am I just another personality created to fit into the story, while the real person has always been hiding inside waiting for someone to open the door. I just do not know.......... This may feel like nonsense but I really wish I could find the answer, the only thing I can use to tell me who I am, is Dreams, always remember Dreams.

I'll let it end there, tried writing something different this time, I wonder what it will feel like when it is read in the future again. It feels excited while at the same time scary, because every single thing wrote here is what I felt at this moment. I may be reading this in the future while retaining the memory of doing this but no longer understand the reasons or emotions behind this. I have always hope that someone would replace the consciousness in this body, maybe it is working, but not in the way I was hoping it to be, as consciousness is just an illusion. No matter what I do, this body will still exist, and memory will still be made.