It's finally over, I hope?

          I can't believe I actually got over it, it felt really impossible at that time though. I have no idea how I did it, it's just a triggered switch. It got so bad my brain goes "fuck you, we need Hououin Kyouma back" and those pain turned into anger, an anger filled with hatred towards all of humanity. I guess I'm back to the 'lone-wolf' shit, seriously I wish there is a way to trigger this whenever it happens again, then I wouldn't have gone through so much trouble. There is always a part of me still waiting though, always waiting for somebody to dig a tunnel through all those mess and pull me out of it. But I guess it's just impossible, there is no one in this world that think like I do. I wanted to believe that I'm 'better' than others, but I guess it's just an illusion my brain tell itself to convince me that I'm normal and instead everyone is not catching up, but it is the other way round, instead it is me who chose not to follow the crowds.

          I'm gonna fucking die anyway, I'll do everything I can to reach my only goal now, to break this world. It is very likely that I'm going to fail though, but it's better than going back to what I went through. Oh if you're reading this now in the future I don't mean that I'm going to break the world and send it to its doom, you're not a demon lord. Break this chain, break this cycle, break these thoughts, make them think, if you're the only one being weird right now then make an entire generation of weirdos. Nobody will care, or even if they do try they will never understand, there is no point waiting for someone to come and feel lonely, pass down your knowledge and make more 'you', that's what it meant to be 'alive'.

          Oh BTW during this time you have removed the link you secretly hide on Facebook, this is where it starts to be more of a diary than a message (maybe still a message but from me to future me). I'm not gonna stop writing though, in fact I guess I'll be coming back more often, writing did helped me go through all this shit. I'll keep my thought in check from time to time, I feels like I'm loosing my identity, this diary will remind myself what it feels like to be me.