I wonder how many times has this happened, why do I always have to face problems alone? I don't know what I did that lead me to this situation, I always try really hard to keep the people I care for around me, and I always hope that I could talk to them about my problems. Maybe I think it's time, but I don't know who actually cares, I don't know who would actually listen when I talk to them. There are also times I don't actually know what is the problem, if it is that simple I would have solved it from the start. I think I'll talk to someone, I don't want to end up killing my self, I've went through this and I know the possibilities.
I've always thought that I could stand up as many times as possible every time I fall, and it would make me stronger. Yes, I did became stronger, but before I even have time to lick my wound I just keep falling steeper and steeper, like there is no end. Sometimes I wish I could just hard program my brain like we do with machines, altering memories or changing some core emotions.
All this just feels like....... a dark room, there used to be light, but the clouds has turned everything dark, and the only thing that keeps the place warm is a small fire, a fire built by hate, yet I could feel it flickering, one day it will burn out and the room will remain dark, and I do not know how long I would stay sane in that situation.
Will I hesitate? Will I ever talk to someone? I do have someone in mind, but I wonder if he'll care. I really really wish that there is actually a god, but it's just so much as just a wish, just like my dreams.
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