Welcome back to another series of Dreams's dream and he did not have any sleep yesterday night. This made me late for 40min to my class, but it's kinda worth it, at least for me.
I don't know if there's anything before this, but it's the most distinct dream that I've remembered. This is the first time that I could still remember a dream so realistically even hours after I woke up. It's interesting enough that I really want to write it down. Although this record will be mixed up with my feelings after I came back to reality, in the dream it felt much much more different.
From what I remembered, it started with a news that I had another elder sister (I don't have any sister), and for a moment in the dream I actually know that person. I remember asking the question "why nobody told me about any of this?", and the reply was "because of your mother", which pretty much tells you more about the drama. But the things I worried about in the dream was not about my dad (never even thought of him tbh, for some reason I trust him enough irl that even in my dream the fault was not on him), what I worried about was why wasn't she (sister) being treated fairly, and partly I feel annoyed by my mum's decision.
Of course irl if this happened thing would have felt much much more different. The main point of this is not the drama, it's how I felt in the dream. For a moment I was really angry, angry that someone so important in my life was never part of it, but also felt so bad that I really wants to protect her. I was so ready to love someone I doesn't actually know. An explanation to this is because my brain is so desperate for someone to rely on, it created all these vision from those feelings. For a moment I felt like I finally has someone to share my burden with, someone I could talk to. I wanted to cry, not because people hide the fact that I had another sister, or any family drama, but because I thought that finally, I have a person to talk to, share my thoughts with, at the same time I'll listen to her. I'm no longer the eldest in the family (still will be the eldest son), all these responsibilities, I don't have to carry all of them, she'll help me protect my brothers in my absence.
The moment I woke up, I felt a relieve, but at the same time, sad, that it did not happen. I have long been desperately looking for someone to rely on, and I could only get a taste of it in a short dream, which only made me long for even more. This memory is really sad but warm at the same time, I'll still protect her, the sister I never had, if she ever exist.
