I do realise that this shit doesn't come just from emotional heart break from not having a relationship with a member of opposite sex, things are not as simple as that, there are just multiple factors that slowly build up into a mountain. (God as I'm writing this I'm listening to a powerful song that gives me positive motivation, I wonder if I can still portray what I wanted to say while listening to this XD) But there many occasion where I thought I've finally settle my shits, and she somehow randomly appears and makes me hesitate and fucks everything up again. I always thought that its easy to read people, so far she's the only person I have a hard time reading. I think it's just a trick my mind playing on me since I'm sexually attracted to her. So many times, I've lost count, I just want to be done with it, I thought I've settle my mind back then. Maybe I should just cut off contact totally, it's hurting too much, I hope writing this does helps.
Writing this does makes me feel better, I hope it'll end here, I need to put my mind together, it's time to put some firewood into the pit. There are too many things to worry about in this world, and it feels like a fucking waste of them when so many thoughts revolve around something that won't even happen, and someone who won't even care or try to understand. God, I wish I've already figure out the word to use to end my writings, guess I'll have to keep it in mind now, maybe I'll use Japanese.
